Motivate Your Mate - by Julia FairClough

Motivate Your Mate
By Julia Fairclough
eDiets Contributor

Updated: March 9, 2007

It’s Saturday night and you’re watching Zoolander (again) with your boyfriend. Zoolander is the flick of choice because you two have run out of new movies to rent.

There are only so many DVDs at Blockbuster Video to rent every time you are together—when you’re not watching ESPN -- that is. You find that you and he just hang out so often, the shapes of your bodies are imprinted on his couch.

You find that you reluctantly can cite NFL football stats, although you don’t shout “Yeaaah!” when Tom Brady throws a touchdown pass.

Going out to dinner involves running around the corner to pick up a pizza. A walk around the park means a shortcut to the liquor store to buy beer. A gathering with his friends includes passing the bong around and watching anything that happens to be on Cartoon Network.


Story continues below
- advertisement -
Newsflash: You are dating the couch potato. He is taking on the appearance of Mr. Potato Head. He now sports a black fuzzy moustache and when he looks over at you his eyes seem round and topped with equally fuzzy eyebrows.
You choke back a giggle and realize that it’s time to kick the passive-aggressive act of bitching to your girlfriends that your boyfriend just sits around and never takes you out. At first you were reluctant to say anything as he is very sexy and great in bed. You think, one of these nights he’ll change. He’ll peel himself off the couch to say tonight he’s taking you out to see the local band. But, that hope fades once you hit the one-month milestone.

If you like him too much to dump him at this point, consider the following strategies to avoid the relationship from turning into mashed potatoes.

1. Recommend that he quit smoking pot. As we all know, marijuana is one of the greatest sources of un-motivating the unmotivated. It will turn your couch potato’s brain into home fries.

2. Play up his vanity. Point out that he can’t maintain a nice ass by parking it on the couch all the time.

3. Suggest alternatives to staying in. Sound enthusiastic when you say, “Hey, let’s try the movies tonight!” to incite contagious buy-in.

4. Take matters into your own hands. Double date with a couple you know to watch a game at the local pub, under the guise you are getting out of the house to do something together.

5. Say how you feel. If he balks at your suggestions; tell him that he’ll never keep a girlfriend if he can’t clear away the cans of Budweiser to get off the couch. Add that you want to make this work.

6. Consider moving on. It’s not as if the couch potato will turn into a highly motivated individual. No couch has ever inspired a novel or Internet start up.

It can be tempting to keep a guy in the picture because he’s good in bed or you’re afraid to be alone. But you know that doing so eventually is a real hit to your self esteem—you are worth better! And, we singletons all know that deep in our heart of hearts, that we’ll find that guy who is not the couch potato, but the apple of your eye.

Julia Fairclough is a freelance writer residing in Somerville, MA.